My husband and I started our journey initially meeting each other through family and then progressed to online. For the better most of our 5 year dating/early marriage, we used Skype and Whatsapp as our media of communication. We only met 4 times in person, sometimes for 1week and the longest for a month when we had our wedding ceremony/honeymoon. Crazy right? I KNOOOOWW!

I am sharing to encourage anyone who may desire to enter a long distance relationship but also shed light on God’s faithfulness. Everyone wants love but won’t count the cost. God kept us and if it is His will for you I believe he will keep you too!

Without Delay Here Is How I Survived those Past Years

Surrendering My Will For His 

Surrendering my will for His was initially the most frightening step. One, I didn’t want to because I knew I wouldn’t be able to have a normal relationship but I knew if I did things God’s way the outcome would be worthwhile. I knew the sacrifices would be many and the future one of faith. I knew I would only be standing on what I knew God spoke to me. During the entire courtship, it required a constant surrender in mind, heart and spirit to continue. One has to have a not my will but your will be done continuous heart posture. Which leads me to my next point.

Purposeful Commitment

Making a purposeful commitment means the purpose of entering the relationship is clearly understood between you too and the conviction of what God plans to do in and through both of you carries a weight that you will not easily end things. I may not have fully understood what God had instore for us, but I knew our relationship was greater than us. The Holy Spirit would remind me that he orchestrated things and the evidence was clear. Yet it is so easy to give up when it seems it will never come to an end and wondering when the next time the two of you would meet again. We would always discuss what we believed God wanted to do through us or even what we would love to do for his kingdom together. Those discussions would energize our faith and commitment to the relationship and God.

Communication/Bonding Time

Communication is so important. It is everything in a long distance relationship. You would think you’d know everything about a person after years of just talking, but you do not. You have to make a conscious decision to dig deep in the other person. My husband and I would play question games or play games that fostered a lot of 1:1 attention away from social media and distractions. We had so many barriers such as 7 hour difference, both being in graduate school, then both working, him living at times in a country where electricity was not always constant and the cost of the internet was ridiculous! In all of this, we would attempt to set bonding time and keep those scheduled appointments. Being creative is key or boredom will set in!

Sacrificial Heart

Having a sacrificial heart and mentality is greatly needed. I believe my husband stretched himself and for that I am grateful. As I mentioned, the time difference was 7 hours. He basically napped then woke up his midnight or I would wake up really early so we could talk. Then of course buying plane tickets averaging $1500 a flight which meant working 2-3 jobs and never taking a vacation all year just to spend your PTO/savings for the moment with him. Sacrificing opportunities of building relationships and serving in church at times to save for immigration fees and totally feeling out of the loop or being judged are a few sacrifices I made. Definitely worth it but a sacrifice indeed. Whether sacrificing financially or with your time, sacrifice is inevitable.

One should count the cost as scripture would say for this too is a cross you must carry if truly it is his will for your life.

Trust

Trust is a must. In my mind I link trust, honesty and integrity together. Trust and consistency were required. As my husband showed how consistent he was and open with details, I was not bothered about him cheating nor was he worried. I believe having insecurities will present itself but reaffirming to your partner that you are present and you are committed to only him or her is important. Leave no room for doubt or the enemy to enter. Be an open book. At some point, I believe my husband and I had access to our Google accounts for other reasons but still we didn’t care. There was nothing to hide. Making a conscious effort to share your deepest thoughts even if it could hurt built trust. Being an open book and being receptive to truth will help.

I believe guarding your mind is important as well. Be Careful of the advice you entertain. Be careful of the company you keep. Ask God to rid unhealthy thoughts, so you believe the truth rather than your doubts!

Mentoring, Spiritually Guidance & loving friends/family

I praise God for my close family, friends, and pastors that were involved in our lives. I remember one specific time when we were courting I was about to quit, BUT my husband’s spiritual father and his wife counseled us via Skype. We have been blessed with awesome friends and family that were literally praying for us or challenging our behaviors or thoughts.

Sometimes we want to protect our relationships so we keep people out, but truly it is a blessing to have accountability and people who share wisdom freely. Get you some real friends ok!

Patience & Extra Grace

Patience and Grace are areas I believe God just wanted to stretch us in. God is all about growing us in the fruit of the spirit. Patience is so needed and learning how to wait reveals so much about yourself. You can either wait in joy and peace or be angry, complain and frustrated the entire process. Even in the wait God wants us to glorify him. Our story is a testimony of God’s faithfulness in so many ways.

Patience is not just needed for the process but the person. Everyone needs room to grow so be patient and show grace. Your significant other will not always make time for you as you wish or love you how you thought so grace is required just as in any relationship.

If weak, rely on the holy spirit. Read and meditate on scripture.

For instance,

But they that wait upon the Lord shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings as eagles; they shall run, and not be weary; and they shall walk, and not faint. Isaiah 40:31

You can renew yourself daily at his feet if you wait upon the Lord. Position yourself to be renewed in strength. I know I did.

Resting in God’s Assurance:

Restin in God’s Assurance to me is living with a mentality that God is in control and that which he started he will bring to completion. My assurance that everything will work out and be fine came from my understanding of who God is in my life. This allowed me to live a life of hope and Faith those 5 years. There will be hurdles and moments that seemed like delays. People will attempt to speak something over your relationship or future contrary to what you know is true, so resting in God is not optional.

It did not matter what was happening with immigration or whatever, we knew this distance had an expiration date and however it ended was God’s will. Always be open to the will of God.

Do me a favor! Share with someone who is in a long distance relationship and waiting on God!

I hope you find these words uplifting.

More to come so subscribe as I challenge my shy ways…